Single... but not so ready to mingle.

For a while I've prayed to God about a lot of different things. A  month ago I was diagnosed with interstitial cystitis (IC) and my mind has been on auto pilot since. One thing for certain is that I know I'm ready to settle down. Does this mean that I want to be married tomorrow? Nope. I've made a plan for my life and it does include being married (and maybe having another kid) by the time I am 30 (a little over 3 years from now). I don't want to rush into a marriage or marry just anybody. I want my Boaz. I could pray that God sends me someone who wants what I want. However, I'm choosing to ask God to fix me. To mold me into the person that a godly man wants as a wife and mother to his children. I want to be a total inspiration to those around me. I want to walk by faith- not by sight. I want to be so lost in God that a man must seek Him in order to find me. I want to be a Proverbs 31 woman. In order for me to do this I have to commit FULLY to Christ.

For the past three years I've shared my life with an amazing man. He's truly one of my best friends and a big supporter. He's been a terrific father figure to my son. We have had our shares of ups & downs- just like any other couple... It'd be nice to say "Great news, we're getting married!" But that's not the truth, lol. We are at two different places in our lives- going in two totally different directions. Directions that don't include the other. We BOTH realized that although we have love for each other, we aren't in love with one another. To continue on like this would be a waste. It's easy for someone on the outside looking in to say "fight for it" but it's not that simple.

Maybe I'm selfish but right now I want to fight for me more... Who's to say that after I become the woman God intends for me to be that we won't find our way back to each other (probably not) but no one knows what the future holds. I'm not looking to jump into another relationship. I want to work on myself for a while. I want to focus on the things that are wrong with me. I want to nurse myself back to health or at least feel healthy again. When the time is right I know the Lord will send the perfect man- made simply for me. It gives me chills to think of great He is and all He does for an undeserving soul like mine. To think that somewhere out there, there is a a soul who will fit perfectly with mine, all because God made him for me.

I'm inpatient. I cry a lot. I like to eat. White chocolate is my weakness. I don't like leaving the house without lip-chap. Sometimes I think I'm the most prettiest girl in the world, while other times I don't see my beauty. High heels & mascara make me feel sexy. I talk a lot and not enough. I'm overly-emotional. I'm anxious. I'm afraid of the dark. I love to be held when I'm feeling down. But most importantly, I'm trying to be better than the person I was yesterday... progression, not perfection.

Just because I'm single doesn't mean I'm lonely.

And just because I was in a relationship didn't mean I was happy.