Last night I had a "come to Jesus". I told Him that I was tired. TIRED. Tired of everything. Tired of stress. Tired of worry. Tired of bills. Tired of struggles. Tired of obstacles. Then something amazing happened. Avion shifted in his sleep and it reminded me of my purpose.
I laid there in tears because I had no idea how I was going to tell that kid, MY KID, that his mom couldn't afford for him to go to state with the rest of his football team. Sure, he'd understand. He always had, he always will. That's the thing about Avi, he has a good heart and an old soul. I constantly feel like I am letting him down and he constantly reminds me that "it's alright". But last night I was tired. Tired of letting that amazing young man down. Why should he suffer because his mom lives paycheck to paycheck? I told him countless times to go out their on that field and give it his all and his team would make it to state. They did. Now how could I tell him he could't go? How was that fair? So I prayed. I prayed hard. Harder than I have in awhile.
The devil was working hard on me and my spirit but I asked the Lord to give me strength to fight back. I cried out to the Lord and told Him I know I can't do this on my own. I have no clue what I am doing. Being a single mom is hard work and I cannot fathom why He thought I was the right candidate for the job. Why on earth would God give me this remarkable kid to take care of without the means to actually do so?
Then God showed me my strengths. Next month Avion will 10. He's had an amazing 10 years of life so far. He gets to go on a summer vacation each year. He's flew on a plane to Vegas. He's been to Mississippi and Florida countless times. He's had a great birthday each year and five days later a greater Christmas. He's plays soccer, football, and basketball. He's a straight A student and E in conduct. He has clothes on his back, shoes on his feet, and he's never went without food. He knows Jesus and we worship together.
God opened my eyes to all of that to show me that even though I feel like I am constantly failing my son, I haven't yet and that I never will. So what, I have to scrape up money for him to be able to participate in things- I still get the job done. God has always allowed me to provide for my son. Always. I don't have to worry because God always makes a way out of no way.
And that was my "ram in the bush".
