My Body.

I'm 5'2.
116 lbs.
My legs measure 31".
My stomach measures 29".

I am the girl that LOVES to take pictures but has never been comfortable in my own body.

When I was younger it was my big head and lips that made me insecure. People had always made fun of them & laughed along with them, all the while hurting inside. As I grew older it was my butt & boobs- or lack there of. In middle school and the beginning of high school I was told I had no shape. Now its my...
Well, pretty much everything. I hate my stomach. I hate that my legs rub together. I hate that I am now in a size 5 when last year I was a size 3. I hate that my hair is at an awkward phase and seems to have stopped growing. I hate that my arms jiggle. For the past month, maybe even longer, I've been in a constant struggle with myself about my body. I have been working out on/off.

But I'm still not happy.

I almost had an emotional breakdown & talked to a few friends. They gave me some really encouraging words to help me out of my funk. But it wasn't until today, while sitting on my couch (tired from running two miles), I had an "ahaa" moment...

I was watching Wendy Williams (yes I watch it sometimes), and her guest was Alyssa Milano. Alyssa was talking about her young son. Wendy asked her about her weight and if she felt pressured to lose it. Alyssa said "I was 170 lbs when I gave birth. I am 5'2, that's huge for my frame. But the moment I held my son I could have cared less about those pounds. I realized my body was made to do profound things. My stomach or body will never be the same but so what?"

I sat there glued to my seat. Oh how right she is! I gave birth to Avion over 8 years ago, my thighs spread and will probably never be back to a size 0 that I was in High School. My stomach isn't the flattest but at one point not there was a child in there. Another life! A woman's body was created for child birth. Her hips are supposed to spread.

I was made in the image of the Lord. He makes no mistakes, why think He started with me? I'll have days when I still want to put on sweats and stay in bed but then I'll also have days when I feel beautiful- inside and out.

Church Folks.

After my Grandma died in 2003 I stopped going to church for a LONG time. I was mad at her. Mad at God. Mad at myself. And the few times I did walk through a church door I felt the stares. I could smell the judgments (I was a young mom after all). But I wonder if any of those Christians realized they were doing more harm than helping? Then I heard this song by Lyfe Jennings and it made me realize I wasn't alone. And I could judge those Christians back BUT I'd be in the same situation as them, so I won't judge YOU know, I'll pray for you. On the other hand, I can have church at my own house, after all it's not about the buidling- it's about the soul and believe me my soul is in the Lord.

 

MADE UP MY MIND: LYFE JENNINGS

 

Lord, they really think they foolin' you, by comin' to church on Sunday...

Prayin' and layin' hands on folks.

Stompin' and jumpin' around, fakin' the Holy Ghost. 

But it's a thin line between walkin' it and talkin' it.

 

And livin' it and givin' it or just pretendin' it's alright.

And did they really think that they could pull the wool over your eyes?

Lord, did they really think that by fakin' they were saved that they would get the same reward?

And Lord who they think they jivin' by singin' these songs full of glory?

Then out in the world it's a different story I'm runnin' out of people to pray for me! And I'm not tryin' to act like I'm the perfect woman

But if you speak about it, you should be about it.

Not just preach about it all day.

 

Cause if you do you run the risk of chasin' some of the most beautiful people away.

 

And it is never my intention to discourage you. 

Rather encourage you to change your life today.

So that maybe thy will, will be done On Earth as it is in Heaven.
&& hopefully they will see How much they really be discouragin' a little old sinner like me.