Nipping It In The Bud.

 I have always been taught that if I have nothing nice to say then I shouldn't say anything at all... some people wonder why I am so quiet around them. If you do me wrong, don't expect me to strike up a random conversations with you- I WON'T. Am I going to be rude every time I see you? Nope. If you speak, I'll say "hey" and go on about my day. I could say a lot. I could be just as immature. But I don't. It's a choice. I let you think what they want.

I let you say what you want.  There's not really a point in trying to prove myself to you. Despite the facts, you'll still form your own opinion. However what you say does not define me. It does not cause me to lose sleep. It doesn't cause stress or lack of eating. In other words you didn't make me so you shall not break me. But if trying to bring me down makes you feel better, by all means go ahead. My life will not stop due to your ignorance. In fact, the Bible says "Be still and know that I am God." (Psalms 46:10). As much as I would like to entertain your mediocre advances, I won't. Lord knows the old me wouldn't hesitate but as I have learned though my walk with Jesus is that He will deal with those people who harm ("The Lord shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace" -Exodus 14:14). Whether you see it or not, I am a changed person. Yes, my past has it's spots but who's doesn't? I am 100% content with my life because I have given it over God. He doesn't hold my past against me. He knows I'm not perfect but he loves me- flaws and all. He sees my progress and He's okay.

I've been through a lot, more than your simple mind could ever comprehend. It's not because I am on some sort of "high horse" it's because I am tired of the same stuff day in and day out. I don't have to complain because I have the abilities to change my circumstance (as do you). I will not dim my light to make you feel better. If you're constantly saying someone thinks they're better than you, yet you've never heard them say that OBVIOUSLY ITS YOU WHO THINKS THAT- NOT THEM! It makes you look pathetic. Not them. To purposely try to hurt or harm someone is dumb. You are allowing your true colors to show and let me just say, I wouldn't want to color with them. I've prayed for things to happen in my life and they have. It's a great feeling. It's unexplainable. No matter what it is you're planning I will be the victor because I have the Lord on side. What do you have beside your little minions? I pray for my family and friends every night. Then I pray for those who have harmed me, you will be added to list. I honestly pray that in some way He speaks to you. I know that deep down there is some under lying issue that you're going through and instead of seeking God's wisdom you lash at. Other may look the other way until you're over it. Some may laugh and make you feel as if it's okay. But me, I won't do either. I'm at the point in my life where negativity has no place. Even if that means cutting people loose. I am doing what's best for me- no one else. I don't expect you to understand it. Maybe one day you will.

"Your relatives, members of your own family-- even they have betrayed you; they have raised a loud cry against you, Do not trust them, though they speak well of you."  -Jeremiah 12:6

God Given Gifts

The other day while in the teacher's workroom a teacher asked me if I had ever considered going into counseling. She went on to tell me that she reads my statuses and blogs and it seems like I have a lot to offer people due to the stuff I have been through. Something she said stuck with me " You are going to do great things one day..."

Honestly, I did entertain the idea of counseling my senior year in high school. I said something about it once to a teacher- he mocked me and laughed. After that I never really gave it anymore thought. However she was right. I do have a lot to offer people. I have been through a lot. I haven't always liked to talk about it. For the most part, I kept it to myself. Who would care about the problems little ole me faced? Back then it never crossed my mind that somewhere someone else was going through a similar situation. Truth is, we all go through problems some times. I don't care how much money you have or how many degrees you possess. You may not publically go through it and your close family/friends may not even notice...

It's a very humbling experience when someone approaches you and tells you that you are a good writer and could do so much for others. I've heard many preachers talk about God given gifts and wondered what mine is. Maybe it's my writing. Maybe it's the fact that my shell has been broken and I no longer feel the need to hide or be ashamed of my past. Maybe all of those obstacles I faced was God showing me my TRUE strength. Maybe those things that left me crying in my bed some nights were SUPPOSED to happen so that I can testify to some other soul who feels just as lost as I did. Maybe becoming a single parent was a good thing because look at how hard it pushed me to succeed. Maybe I went through those heartbreaks so that I would be able to tell another girl that life goes on after he leaves. Maybe I didn't get that job because the Lord saw fit that there was something even greater for me.

Sometimes, people hurt so bad that you have to do more than PREACH a message, you have to BE a message to them. If my life is that message, so be it. If something I went through helps someone else not have to go through it, so be it.  I am slowly learning to let God use me to help someone else. No, I can't save the world. But I do believe that I have a purpose to save someone- even just one life. I don't know how or when but I know that with God's grace there is something beautiful blossoming from me, just watch!