One Woman Can.

One Woman Can.
&& that one woman is ME.

I sell Mary Kay, so this past weekend I went to a career conference. This was my first one and I was pretty hesitant. I paid $80 a couple months back but kept trying to find an excuse as to why I shouldn't go. The days leading up to the conference I kept saying I was going to text my director and cancel. But something would happen and I would forget. Well Thursday rolls around and its the day before I leave. Needless to say, I had no other choice but to go.

So I went.

And I must admit I am glad that did. Not only did I have a great time with a wonderful group of women, I learned a lot of stuff. Most importantly, I learned more about myself...
I am wonderfully and fearfully made by Him. Who is Him? The Lord, of course. I felt so much of His presence in those meetings. So much knowledge gained. Four top millionaires talked to us about their journeys through Mary Kay. Funny thing is, they had the same doubts as I do...
Here I am, almost 26 years old, a single parent. I have two college degrees and a basic peace officer certificate. But I want nothing to do with criminal justice. I worked in that field and learned I disliked it. Now I work with children and I absolutely adore them. I also love that I'm at home more with my own son. I don't have to depend in my parents to help raise him because I'm working night shifts.

I may never be like those four top millionaires that spoke to us but I will succeed at whatever I put my mind on because I have the Lord on my side. He says "Be still and I will fight your battles.". If He is WITH me, which can be AGAINST me?

Confession: The day I went on administrative leave from my old job I went to a MK meeting. I signed my agreement that night. I was afraid that I had just wasted $100. Looking back, I see that I gained so much more! I am amongst God-fearing women who have the same goals and dreams as I do. I have people who motivate me and encourage me to push forward. I wasn't getting that at my old job. I used to work from 6pm-6am and hardly ever saw my son. Now I'm always at home. I tuck him at night. I tell him I love him & kiss his cheeks. I am at every soccer game to see every goal he makes. Mary Kay didn't give me extra money, it gave me "me" back. It helped me find myself. I can finally breathe!

If not now, then when...

"Why put off til tomorrow what you can do today?"

I hated that saying growing up. Boy, did I hear it. A LOT! I'm not saying I was a lazy child. Okay, maybe just a little. But I figured, I have the time why can't it wait?
Fast forward some years...

I've come to realize we actually don't have time. So many young people have lost their lives over small insignificant things. Older people pass on... Its just their time to go. I often say I have no regrets. But if I could have one "do over", it'd be to call my grandma on July 24, 2003 and tell her how much I appreciated her. How much I loved her. How she was my best friend. My protector. But you know what I used that last phone call for? To complain how much my sister got on my nerves. To complain. My last words to her was a complaint. Nearly ten years and I still beat myself up over that.

If her death taught me nothing else, it taught me not to put off things. If you love someone, say it. If you you miss them, tell them. If they hurt you, bring it to light.

I wear my heart on my sleeves. I cry at sappy chick flicks. Let's not even get started on Lifetime movies/shows. I had this ex boyfriend, my first love. I just knew we'd get married. Obviously we didn't, lol. But back then no one could have told me differently. So many break ups and make ups and not once did I love him any less. So many other girls. And guys. But my heart had never left him.  9 years of that. It got old. All of those empty "I'm sorrys". Those heartless "I love yous". I used to see him and wonder what if. Thankfully now I am over those. What if can tear you up inside!

I have no problem telling a person how I feel. Good or bad. I've settled for way less than I've deserved. But not anymore. No more putting my all in something to only get a portion back. I love hard. I get stressed and cranky. But if you cant handle me at my worst, you sure as hell dont deserve me at my best!!! If you can't understand that, adios!

Confession: Once, after breaking up with that above ex,  I was extremely heart broken. He had moved on and had no problem flaunting his new girlfriend in my face. Talk about broken! One day I got the courage to tell him how I felt. We got back together for a few years. But of course it ended. What's so great about that, huh? I found a courage I never knew I had. 20 seconds of extreme courage and something great came... I found I possessed strength!

Dinner is served.

"Did you know you were married to Zeddrick?"
-Nope. Didn't know that.
"Yes you did! My mama told me you were with him and yall live together with your kid."

Yes. This really happened to me. A child asked me this. Why this child knows so much about my personal life is beyond me. Why "adults" discuss another's personal business is also beyond me. AND WITH A CHILD!!! This wouldn't be the first time this has happened to me. It happened a few weeks ago with another child who informed me that their mom didn't like me. REALLY!!!!

 I will NEVER sit and have a conversation with A'vion about one of my exes and his new girl. For one, he's my past. Most likely for a reason. Two: I have better things to do with my life. For you to sit around and discuss me means that you are pretty pathetic! You're a simple minded person.

Personally, I am too busy of a person to sit around thinking about my past relationships with Avi. Soccer practices. Soccer games. PTA stuff. Room mom planning. School. Working at TWO schools. Making up dance routines. Finding crafts for my kinders. Carpooling. Mary Kay. Guitar lessons...

Need I go on?!

Do I think about my past? Yes. Do I discuss those events with my child? NEVER. Why would I? Have you ever heard that saying "stay in a child's place?" I see why it's so hard for some kids... their parents treat them like friends instead of being the parent. That's disgusting. The same things that make you laugh now will make you cry later!

If I have an issue with another adult, I go to that adult. I don't sit around telling A'vion that I don't like them or they used to date one of my exes...  This is how I see it: he's my ex. He was an appetizer that I sampled and didn't like. So I sent him back. And now I am waiting on the entree God will send me in due time. And once the Lord blesses me with him, we'll have dessert (our happily ever after- forever).

Confession: At one point I was that person who held grudges. Sometimes for no reason at all. I would let exes get to me by flaunting there new girl. And I would hate her. HATE. But one day I realized how silly that was (I was in high school). He was her problem now! Why was I mad? I am almost 26 years old and I have more things to do with my time and better things to discuss with my child than past relationships.