"Why put off til tomorrow what you can do today?"
I hated that saying growing up. Boy, did I hear it. A LOT! I'm not saying I was a lazy child. Okay, maybe just a little. But I figured, I have the time why can't it wait?
Fast forward some years...
I've come to realize we actually don't have time. So many young people have lost their lives over small insignificant things. Older people pass on... Its just their time to go. I often say I have no regrets. But if I could have one "do over", it'd be to call my grandma on July 24, 2003 and tell her how much I appreciated her. How much I loved her. How she was my best friend. My protector. But you know what I used that last phone call for? To complain how much my sister got on my nerves. To complain. My last words to her was a complaint. Nearly ten years and I still beat myself up over that.
If her death taught me nothing else, it taught me not to put off things. If you love someone, say it. If you you miss them, tell them. If they hurt you, bring it to light.
I wear my heart on my sleeves. I cry at sappy chick flicks. Let's not even get started on Lifetime movies/shows. I had this ex boyfriend, my first love. I just knew we'd get married. Obviously we didn't, lol. But back then no one could have told me differently. So many break ups and make ups and not once did I love him any less. So many other girls. And guys. But my heart had never left him. 9 years of that. It got old. All of those empty "I'm sorrys". Those heartless "I love yous". I used to see him and wonder what if. Thankfully now I am over those. What if can tear you up inside!
I have no problem telling a person how I feel. Good or bad. I've settled for way less than I've deserved. But not anymore. No more putting my all in something to only get a portion back. I love hard. I get stressed and cranky. But if you cant handle me at my worst, you sure as hell dont deserve me at my best!!! If you can't understand that, adios!
Confession: Once, after breaking up with that above ex, I was extremely heart broken. He had moved on and had no problem flaunting his new girlfriend in my face. Talk about broken! One day I got the courage to tell him how I felt. We got back together for a few years. But of course it ended. What's so great about that, huh? I found a courage I never knew I had. 20 seconds of extreme courage and something great came... I found I possessed strength!
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