Celibacy

Its been awhile... Let's play catch up.

Summers almost over and it's been one hell of a summer. The one person I was sure I'd spend the rest of my life with is no longer in my life. It was hard at first, because we were friends before the relationship- so I lost a love and a friend. But if the past three months have taught me anything, its thatmans rejection is God's protection. He won't take anything away without blessing you with something better. Although I can't see them I KNOW my blessings are on the way!

After all of that you'd think I'd be bitter, but I'm not. Actually I've learned a lot about LaRonnica. First, (and this may be too "raw" for some) is that I tend to use my body to keep unnecessary people in my life. No need to go into detail, I think you get the picture. I feel like maybe if I sacrifice this, I'll get that. Maybe if I give him this he'll give me his heart. Did it work? No. It left me feeling empty afterwards. I also learned that I fall too easily. I allow people to stick around who should have been gone a long time ago. I move mountains for people who wouldn't throw a rock for me.  I will cross an ocean for people who wouldn't splash in a puddle for me. I gave and I gave and what did I get in return? A broken heart and empty promises...

At my lowest point I reached out to God and although I had no words in the beginning I cried. And like most fathers who see their children crying he comforted me. As the tears flowed so did my words. I told Him my problems. I told Him my fears. I confessed my sins and I apologized. He forgave me. He won't bring it back again!

I asked Him to prepare my heart, soul, and body for my forever love. How can He do that if I'm freely giving it away to someone who doesn't deserve it? Thus, my celibacy was born (gasp). I asked God to take me take self out of it because the flesh is weak. I asked Him to help me lose myself in Him so that when my Boaz comes along he will have to seek God in order to find my heart. That could be next week, next year, or ten years from now- however I'm willing to wait so that God can prepare me for that man and vice versa. Just the thought of a God fearing man (made especially for me) being out there gives me hope.