I'm not being rude, I'm just being honest

Times like this I miss my grandma more than ever. I miss how I could call her up and listen to the best advice given- this side of heaven. I miss my dad... even though we weren't as close as we used to be, when I began to feel this way I could drive to him, sit in my car and cry. No words needed to be said, he understood. As he wrapped his arms around me and cried with me....

I tried.

Lord knows I tried. 

But in the back of my mind, I kept hearing "stop letting people walk all over you..."
I think I am more hurt than mad because it wasn't expected. I thought we better than that, but I thought wrong. I must say thank you, it taught me a valuable lesson: I AM NOT A DOORMAT (or an atm).

When I love, I love hard. When I give, I give freely. For the most part, I don't expect anything back in return. However, I feel that if I am there when I you need me- the VERY LEAST you can do is be there when I need you. NONE. Not one of my true family or real friends can say that I haven't came through for them. I have. I will. If I got it and they need it, it's theirs. I will buy lunch. I will buy dinner. I shop for Christmas and birthday gifts for them and their kids. If they need a ride, I'm coming- half the time with no expectation of gas. I go out of my way- even when I have no energy. All I expect is for you to be there when I need. Is that too much to ask? Am I in the wrong? It'd be totally different if you actually couldn't be there for me, but when I see you being there for others I wanna be like "wtf they do for you that I didn't?"

One thing that upsets me the most is being ignored. DO. NOT. IGNORE. ME!!!! If I am texting you or calling you don't ignore it. That makes me even more upset. If I am asking you about something (constantly) don't ignore me, don't keep lying- BE HONEST! I have a lot more respect for those who just come clean instead of beating around the bush. Then when I choose to go off everyone looks at me like I'm crazy. Maybe I am. Maybe I am crazy for allowing you to make a mockery out of me for so long. Maybe I am crazy for helping you. Maybe I am crazy for giving with a smile on my face.

I despise when a person tells my child something then flakes. Not because he NEEDS you for anything but simply because when the dust settle I am the one having to explain to him why someone didn't come through. Lie to all day, everyday. It doesn't bother me one bit. But when you tell a child, MY CHILD, that you're gonna do something or you have something for him then ignore him as if he doesn't exist don't expect me to "play nice".

Over the course of my life I have learned that family will run over you, take advantage of you, and downright degrade you more than a friend will! How sad? Then you wonder why I say if it's not my mom, Coco, or the boys I could care less... And some of you have the nerve to say "you forgot about me, didn't you?" Nah.. YOU FORGOT TO BE THERE FOR ME.

So when you get the "who is this" text or reach my voicemail don't be surprised. Don't be shocked when you get ignored. It just so happened that I pulled a you on you! Don't even be appalled when you get the "please don't ever call or text me again..." message. I've had enough let downs on my life and I'll be damned if I'm gonna let someone stay in my life who can't keep their word. ADIOS!