Vulnerability

One of the main reasons why relationships don't last these days is because we're too afraid to be be vulnerable with our significant others. Men are too afraid to show affection and love. Women are too busy trying to show their independence...

I was once (still am) the latter. I have this sense of pride that doesn't always allow me to ask for help when I actually need it. I want a man to know that I don't need him. That I can get by just fine without him. It finally hit me that a man wants to feel needed, as do I. I've always been too afraid to be open with people. So here's my vulnerable side because maybe, just maybe the man that's going to give me his last name will stumble upon this blog and read this post...

• I'm afraid of the dark. Seriously. Those first few minutes before my eyes adjust after the lights go out are the worse (for me). And when I'm in the bathroom and turn the lights off before I open the door, I panic (because I think of "Bloody Mary").
• When something is funny, really funny, to me and I laugh hard, really hard, I fart (gasp). 
• I hate chocolate but I love white chocolate.
• I hate being outdoors because I don't like to smell like "outside" when I come in... however before I die I want to have a romantic picnic under the stars- possibly on the back of a tailgate.
• I like watching people sleep.
• I'm afraid of failure. I think the world will stop and point.
• I'm afraid that when I'm walking down the aisle on my wedding day that I'll fall and the back of my dress will rip.
• I have always wanted to run into a guy's arm and have him pick me up then spin me around.
• I want to sing duets with my future hubby on the highway.
• I want to take goofy family photos.
• I want to paint every room in my house a different colors.
• I want to live in the country. With horses. And a pig. Maybe a sheep.
• I fall in love quickly- but I hardly ever say it.
• I like to be held at night- even when I say I don't. And there will be LOTS of times I say I don't want to be held. Hold me anyway.
• When I have a bad day I take a long shower and cry. Hard. Like really hard- snotty nose and all.
• I say I don't want more kids but truth is, I'm afraid that this disease (IC/Endo) will take over my life and I won't be able to... so I try to convince myself that I don't want them.
• I used to force myself to throw up. No one ever figured it out. I even wrote a book about it. No one ever read it.
• After I retire from teaching, I want to open up my own restaurant.
• My favorite color is pink. And green. And teal. And brown but only in the fall.
• My undies have to match my shirt or pants.
• Blood makes me queasy.
• I want my future husband to leave me sticky notes in random places. 
• I want to learn how to tie ties so that I can tie them for my husband.
• I'm afraid of death- not because of where I will go but because I'll be leaving Avion without a parent.
• But the biggest thing is that I'm afraid that I don't have a soulmate... so the majority of those things won't ever happen....