This morning I was in my closet grabbing shoes, looked up and seen a note I wrote (and taped) to the closet wall. It's more of a list of qualities I want in a husband. This has been hanging up for quite a while and never had it gotten my attention like it did this morning. I believe it was once again God speaking to me. You see, last night I laid down and began praying. I prayed for my family and friends. I thanked God for my blessings, asked for His forgiveness for my sins. I told him I wanted to be a better person for myself, for Him, for Avi, for my family, for my friends, for my Boaz-worthy future husband (if you don't know Boaz, go read the book of Ruth in the Bible). Then I paused asked God if there was something wrong with me. I contemplated settling for him and his happiness so that I wouldn't have to be lonely. So that I'd have someone to talk to each night before bed, someone to text me "good morning" or "just thinking about you, have a nice day". Why can't I just have "it" for once...
Rewind to this morning, as I am reaching for shoes on my shoe rack, and I see the "Hubby List". God was saying "Why should you settle for anything less than what is on this list?" I thought why in the HECK am I praying for a man who doesn't love me when I could be using that prayer for something else?! After all, the Bible CLEARLY says in Genesis 1:27 that I was made in the image of HIM!!! At the beginning of His Word, He says that (and repeats it). I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with that guy, those guys, or him... they are absolutely made for someone else- just not me.
I can't be unequally yoked with a man simply because I am lonely. What kind of life would that be? True, I wouldn't be lonely, but would I be happy? Absolutely not. Maybe for a while but later down the road would I find myself waiting for the kids to go off to college so that I can leave that man I decided to start a family with knowing we were a match from hell?
Do I like being single? Nope. Not. At. All. I HATE IT! What? You thought I was going to say "oh yes, absolutely love my freedom of being single." Well then that'd be a lie and this honesty blog would be pointless. I once read somewhere that you should love someone so much that they feel free. So if you're with someone and you don't feel free- LEAVE. No, that's not giving you permission to go cheat (you should leave if you want to cheat) but you shouldn't feel tied down in your relationship. You should be able to hang with friends (and he with his) yet come back together at the end of the day/night and be at peace in their arms. I didn't feel like that in my last relationship (that's a later blog post).
So what is it that I want in man? Let me just tell you!
- GOD FEARING
- Goes to church (with us- his family)
- Prays WITH me and FOR me.
- FAMILY ORIENTED
- Puts nothing/no one before us (besides God, of course)
- Treats Avi as his own (or deal is o-f-f!!!)
- Makes time for us
- at least one day/night a week
- Wants to get married
- not like tomorrow, or next year, but it has to be a goal for him.
- Wants children
- even if adopted (since I may not be able to birth more)
- PRIORITIES
- Has a degree
- or is working towards one
- eager for education
- Own car
- Doesn't have to be fancy...
- Own place to live
- No you can NOT move in with me!
- Pays own bills
- If your mom is paying your bills, what can you do for me? The bible says a MAN leads his household- not a man's mom!
- EXTRAS
- Always has to kiss me goodnight
- No going to bed mad.
- Always tells/shows he loves me DAILY.
- Compliments me on a regular basis.
- Yes, I know my worth but it's nice to feel wanted :)
- Checks to see how my day is going
- Phone call or text
- Goes to my doctor's appointments with me
- Nothing worse than sitting in a cold exam room alone in tears
- NEVER GIVES UP ON ME. NEVER EVER!
- Love me when it hurts, that's when I need it the most!
I don't think these things are too much to ask for. I am willing to put in 100% to someone who is willing to do the same. When I love, I love hard. It's for real. It's pure. It's genuine. I expect that same love in return. Period. I can't settle. I won't settle. My Boaz is somewhere in this world being prepped by God specifically for me and the thought of that will get me through these lonely times.
...and the one good thing about this single life? It's easy for my oath of celibacy!
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