Everyone keeps asking me about marriage. On one hand I think I may be ready, on the other I am not so sure. Of course, I want to. What girl doesn't?! In fact, I have pretty much planned it out. During a recent conversation with my pastor, he asked me if I have heard about the book Before the Ring. He told me to go get it. We were talking about my current relationship situation (whatever that is). It got me thinking...
When you get married, "two become one". I know what I want and I know what I won't settle for- which is why I am not married now. I have a few fears...
(1) becoming fat- but that's another blog (sooner rather than later).
(2) being a horrible mother (who's kid is just as horrible)
(3) marrying someone who doesn't take my kid as their own...
You see, I am a packaged deal. When I marry someone I want it to be FOREVER. So it was to be right. Like Bible right. When we get married will Avion be introduced as a son or a step-son, there's a difference! Will he be "my son" or "our son". What happens if I have another child by my husband, will Avi be treated differently? Will I resent that second child because my husband cares more for his biological child rather than the child he gained by marriage? REAL QUESTIONS!
I also like to know things. No so much as being controlling or noisy BUT I do expect my husband to be able to tell me where he is going, as well as me telling him. I expect us to have a great sense of communication- because that is key in any relationship, especially a marriage.
I don't think I could ever be a stay at home mom. I am easily bored. Not to mention that I have a huge problem depending on people. One thing I fear most about marriage is becoming too dependent on my husband. What if he leaves? What happens then?
Another thing my pastor said during our conversation is that I have to get over my insecurities. I have to learn to let go of the past hurt and pain. I need to learn to open up and share my feelings. <-- None of those things come natural to me. My guard is always up. I don't like letting people in (because I am afraid that I'll get hurt). Even the Bible says "Above all else guard your heart".
I am slowly learning that it is okay to let someone in. It's okay if I let go of all of the past hurts- they are only bringing me down. Just because someone hurt me in the past doesn't mean that people in my future will do the same- even if I do get hurt again, it's okay! It's only prepping me to become an amazing wife, right?!
2 comments:
This is Grace!
:) Take it from someone who's been there before and who's there again. And never ever in my wildest dreams would I have thought God could heal this heart of mine in the 2 years that He did to be prepared to be married AGAIN.
People will always hurt you. Husband is a people. A person. A human. So are you. Remember he comes with a lot of insecurities too, and our insecurities never really end up going away. We make a daily, or someone hourly, choice to overcome them and trust. Trust sucks. It sucks to trust God most of the time too. It's the hardest thing God asks us to do. I've learned that though my husband is human, my God is the one and only God. And if I trust my God and He sent me my husband, then God will work on him and on me.
You're an amazing mother. Not just because you make great food and attend school functions, but because you're an active focused part of Avi's life. You're a mother with purpose. You have passion for the amazing gift of a child that God has given you. Just like the heart of God is made to accept people as they are as His very own, the man you marry will have a heart like God. And he will accept you, all your insecurities, every bit of Avi and not just take on responsibility as a father, but will actually passionately become Avi's father. Just like God's love has enveloped you, your husband will do just the same. Will it get hard? Yes. Will you be scared and will these issues come up again when you get proposed to, married (because these things will cross your mind while you're standing at the altar), when you get pregnant? Absolutely. I'm not a mother, but I can tell you that you can't have it all mapped out and all of your questions answered before you get married. That's why it's a trust thing. New questions come up years down the road in marriage that are really tough issues. But when you've married through God's will, you work through them with your husband. That's what makes a marriage. You saw my last one fall apart and from a pretty close distance, you saw me fall apart. But look at my life now. God is using my very unexpected and amazing marriage to show me His love.
It's not easy, but with God at the center of your life it doesn't have to be, because He ultimately has your heart and will guard you no matter if you're married or not.
Love you! -G
God is Good All of the Time. I had a guard up 7 year's ago when I met my Husband. God blessed me with someone who is perfect for me. It took me about a year to let my guard down...I found myself slowly letting him in, not because The Good Lord Blessed us with a Beautiful Baby Boy Drake who completes Our Family. I watched my Husband's Actions with my other 3 son's & WOW! Looking back on the past 7 year's....Double Wow! God is Good All of the Time; Even though the storm's. I PRAISE HIM & Thank HIM; Before the Storm, In the Midst of the Storm and at the end of the Storm. I find that I have yet again, learned another life lesson. When I look back, I know for sure without a doubt that The Lord carried me when I couldn't stand, HE never left my side. Greater is HE Living inside of me, then he who is living in the world ❤��❤
Today looking back down the road of my past... What a Wonderful Journey it has been. #CherishedMemories #Pain #Joy #Pain #Life #Trials #MountainTops #Joy #SpeakLife #Family #Restoration #UnconditionalLove #Marriage #Balance #Communication #Love #Respect #Truth #WeAreaTeam #EncourageOneAnother #loyalty #Faithful #Honest #Humble #Patient #Joy #Pain #HeavenIsRealDeathIsaLie #GodisGoodAllofTheTime #DoGoodALWAYS #BeHappy #Bekind #SmileAtaStranger #GraceWinsEverytime #Miracle #UnconditionalLove #Memories #GrowTogether! #IamThankfulForEverything #BeBlessed
My husband has called my 3 children as his own from day 1 and he has treated them as his own ever since. God is so good!
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