Let it Shine

Let me start off by saying that I have an amazing pastor. He is someone that I can go to who is nonjudgmental and gives some of the best advice. He took over our church a few years ago. At the time I was not into church- whatever that mean. When my grandma Dot died (almost) 10 years ago I was very angry at God. I questioned Him and was extremely upset. I never went back to True Vine (my Grandma's church) again. I would go to my MawMaw's church every once in a while. Don't get me wrong, after I got over the frustration and depression I asked for God to forgive me for questioning Him. I still prayed. I still talked to God. But it was mostly when I needed Him. About four and half years ago I went to a church service at Mt. Elem (my church home now), I was going through a tough time and I really needed some sort of direction. The sermon that day really spoke to me! Something inside of me moved that day. I remember texting one of the ladies at the church and asking her how I could rededicate my life. A few days later the pastor came to me and we spoke about rededicating my life to God. Pastor Anthony asked me if I had been saved before, I replied yes. He asked me how I knew and I said "I was baptized when I was little..." He smiled and said how else I knew. I drew a blank and stood there looking at him. He asked me if I had ever prayed the sinner's prayer. I shook my head. He handed me a Bible and told me to turn to Romans 10:9-10 and say the verse out loud... "(9)If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe with your heart that God raised Him from the dead, thou shall be saved. (10) For with the heart you believe unto righteousness and with the mouth you confess- giving you salvation." After reading this he held my hand and prayed over me. I started taking classes with Pastor Anthony and got baptized (when I truly understood the meaning). There was a lot that I kept inside. Stuff that no one ever knew because I was too afraid or too ashamed to tell. But when I was in class (one on one) with pastor, I could say it and not worry. I remember on Father's day that year I explained to him how I had hatred for my biological father. He listened to my whole story. He handed me tissue as I cried. He then pointed me back to the Bible (thou shall honor your father and mother).

Fast forward until last night... at Bible study Pastor pulled me aside and spoke with me. He told me that he was proud of me for being in the young adult Easter skit. He was surprised to see me because usually had an excuse as to why I couldn't do something. I told him how excited I was to be a part of it and how the play had touched me. He responded with "why haven't you done anything about that?" I was confused. He then went on to say that God blesses us so that we can bless others. Even if it's with a simple story of how we got through a situation. Maybe there is someone going through that situation and feels as if there is no way out... I'm 25 (26 in a few months) but I have been through a lot.

I've had people who mean the world to me let me down.
I've had people who were supposed to be here for me, walk away or say things that hurt me to the core. I've loved and lost.
I had a baby when I was 16.
I was told by family that I would never be anything if I kept my son.
I was told by a customer I was headed to hell for having a kid out of marriage.
I was told by the world that I couldn't raise a kid as a single mother and make it out (statistics).
I've been told that I am too fat. My head is too big. I'm not pretty enough...

But I got over it. I GOT OVER IT! I moved past it. I overcame it. It was hard. Extremely hard. A million tears and sleepless nights. Thousands of hows, whens, whys. Hundreds of doubts. If I learned nothing else I learned that I am one strong person. Looking back on the past few years I have no clue as to how I overcame it, other than faith....

So why keep that all inside? Why not share it with someone else? I am sure than somewhere someone is going through or will go through what I went through and need some light to be shed. SO THIS LITTLE LIGHT OF MINE, I'M GONNA LET IT SHINE. LET IT SHINE. LET IT SHINE. OH, LET IT SHINEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Confession: Many nights I prayed to God to take my life. I questioned my purpose. I questioned why He had let things happen to me. Never once did I ask God, "why not me?" I still have NO CLUE what my purpose is in life, however I know that the Lord has something spectacular planned. One say soon, real soon, I will stand before a crown and tell them my marvelous testimony. Don't worry- I'll post it in my blog too! :)