Fasting For God

This semester definitely hasn't been the best. SOOOO MUCH going wrong. I could question God. I could give up. But I haven't. I'm not even sure why I haven't. I've cried at least twice a week for the past few weeks.

The very first day of school my dad was supposed to go to court to see about his case. I wrote him a long letter that I cried with each word. I sent it two days before he was supposed to go. Then I didn't hear back from him. NOTHING. I was afraid that the news he heard was bad and he had did something dumb. I was a nervous wreck. I kept it inside (what's new). Today I finally heard from him- court was cancelled but his faith wasn't altered. THANK YOU JESUS! The final lines in his letter "God is our refuge and strength. A very present help in trouble" Psalm 46:1

Avion started acting out in school. His grades dropped (but he's still a straight A student).

The drive to and from school three days a week is taking a toll on my gas tank. The way to school isn't bad. The way back is when the tears come. It seems so small because it's just a 20 minute ride but all of these thoughts come to mind and doubt sets in. Stress arises. Tears fall...

The school's fundraiser is here (which I'm over). The fundraiser guy said "you have to make the school at least $30,000 for it to be a 'good' fundraiser..." Talk about two weeks of pressure!

Avi's class Valentine's party is approaching- which I'm planning. His basketball tourney is coming, which means bball is coming to an end. Which also means that soccer is starting.

I've been struggling with my weight and other insecurities. Yes, I said it- INSECURITIES.

It's like I'm constantly on go, taking care of everyone. Making sure everyone else is happy. But am I? Not really. Not. At. All. So now I'm here. February 1, 2014. I have decided to go on a fast from social media- Facebook and Instagram. I tend to overindulge in those two when I am feeling down. Instead it's time I pick up a Bible or fall on my knees and pray. Don't get me wrong, I read my Bible and I pray but here lately those two have taken over my life. So for February I am focusing on my relationship with God- nothing else. If others suffer or aren't happy, so be it. I need to feel like I have a purpose in life and I'm not feeling that right now. I know that this month may not bring God's purpose to life, however I believe that He will show me signs. He will allow me to feel again. I haven't "felt" in a while. I've walked around in numbness. Sadness. Anxiety. No more! I'm a child of God. Why should I ever feel as if I have no purpose? I was made in His image. Wonderfully. Fearlessly. It's time I started acting like it again. I would say I'll write in this blog each day, but I won't. However during this month-long journey I will try to come back and tell you how it's going. I don't consider this social media because I don't indulge in it as much as the other two. Maybe when I have that "ahaaa" moment and "find myself" I'll write. Maybe I won't. Maybe I'll sit there in tears giving thanks to Him. Who knows?!