One quote stood out to me the most "“Grief does not change you, Hazel. It reveals you.” How very true! When I first found about my diseases I grieved. Although it could have changed me, it didn't. I wanted to ask God why but my grandma Dot taught me long ago to NEVER question God's work. At that age I didn't understand- I just didn't question Him. Now that I am older I understand more. I would be lying if I din't wanted to ask God "why me" because I did want to. I wanted to know why I try each day a better person and be more Christ-like and there are people who don't try and are in "better situations" than I am. But that's here. On Earth. And earthly gain are NOTHING compared to what heavenly gains are. For you see, in my father's house their are many mansion. If it was not true, Jesus would not have said it. But He did. OH BUT HE DID!
Before I was born God knew this was the life I would live, He had it all planned out. I made a few pitstops (mistakes) I found my way back to that path. What I want may not align up with what God wants, so I don't get it. I have to learn to accept it & be okay with His plans for me.
Maybe I was meant to only have one child and that one child gets so much love from me it's ridiculous. Maybe that's what Avi needs (only God knows). I remember three years ago God placing me in this school and me thinking to myself "really, an elementary school?" I told myself that this would temporary yet I am still here. A parent that I get the chance to make a difference in a different child's life every day. Does a "normal mom" get to do that? I get a billion hugs and compliments each day. When my students hurt, I hurt. When they are sad, I am sad. Isn't that what a "normal mom" does? So biologically I have one child, but for 8 hours I am a mom to numerous students who I view as MINE. I would protect them just as I would Avi. If they fell and scraped their knee, I'd fix, just like I would Avi. If they needed a hug, I'd hug them, just like I would Avi. Just like I would my own son!
The movie didn't end how I imagined, like my life won't end how I planned it. But the movie taught me that there are people out there that have it way worse than I do. The fault in my stars was me being upset and hurt about my disease. Although there are no cure for either, it's not life threatening. Yes, the pain is unbearable some days. But that pain means I'm alive. Someone else with a disease wasn't so lucky. I get to see my son grow up and have kids (I'll be a grandma, haha). Someone else doesn't get that. I get to see thousands of kids excel and do great things. And that, my friends, is my silver lining in this dark cloud of chronic disease.
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