Patience

"They talked about Jesus and look at what he became..."

I can not count how many times my grandma Dot said ^that^ to me. I would call her crying about what people said about me. I remember I went to her in tears about someone saying I have a big forehead. She looked me dead in the eyes and said "God gave you a big brain so he had to make your forehead bigger so it could fit." I believed her. I still do believe that statement. She also told me "its not what they call me but what I answer to that counts." I've been called stupid, but the two college degrees and BPOC say other wise. I've been called ugly but I the Bible tells me I'm made in God's image. What a beautiful creature indeed! I've been called a bad mother but Avi has never went without the things he needs. He pretty much has all he wants too. Not to mention he's been at the top of his class since his daycare days. I've been called fat but that just an opinion. Am I Victoria Secret model thin? Nope. I have "love handles" and one stomach roll that refuses to leave no matter what. Food is my weakness. But I don't care. That arm fat simply means that I am blessed with meals someone, somewhere isn't.
MY PAST.
Not something I'm proud of. I've made my share of mistakes. Some I'm not proud of. But each made me who I am. I had my son my senior year in high school at the age of 17.  I went from one bad relationship to another looking for a love I felt I needed. No regrets though. Without all of that I doubt I would be so close to God now. In order to have a testimony, the test comes first (look at the spelling). Someone told me they see what I post on Facebook but they know who I used to be. Key word: used. I know who I used to be too. But I've asked the Lord to forgive me. He has. I can't live in my past. I can't hold onto it either. I can't let my past dictate my future or I'll be in the same place. Who I was and who I am are two different people. Both of those are far from who I will be.
MY PRESENT
I am working on being better in every aspect of my life. Do I fail? Daily. But I ask for help from Him. I pray for patience- which is the HARDEST prayer. If you're gonna pray for it be willing and ready to go through some things. Trust me, I've been going through a lot. I guess I thought it'd get easier as a Christian but its harder. Only because the devil works harder to pull me back. Luckily, I have faith. Even at my lowest state I have faith. Because of it the Lord continues to show me His faithfulness.
MY FUTURE
Grounded in the Lord. I don't know where He'll take me but I'm ready! So the next time you want to judge me, base it off of the person I am at that moment not yesterdays or years agos. Better yet don't judge me at all. You don't know everything I've been through. You don't know my prayers to God. Be patient with me, He's not through with me yet.